You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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