you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
