i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
