your room smells of hookers.
And success
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
