Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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