get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
