I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
