dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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