At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
