I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
