make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
