I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
