Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
