so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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