So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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