Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
