WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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