The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
