so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
