I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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