dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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