he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
