A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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