id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
