Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
