i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
