youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
