Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
