Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
