I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
