Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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