Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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