There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
