Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
