Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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