i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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