Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
