Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
