your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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