I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
