There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
