My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
