Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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