im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
