So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
