You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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