It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize