she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
