just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
