I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
