You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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