Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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