I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
