thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
