Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
