I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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