I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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