cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
