i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
This house was built for laser tag.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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