Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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