either way he was missing a nipple.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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