allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
