i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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