Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
