bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
