Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You are the jesus of drinking
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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