He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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