Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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