They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
