And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize