I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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