I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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