ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
