A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
