Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
