i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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