mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
